Update . . .

So I am still plugging away in counseling and I do think it's really helping. The last two counselors I went to were a waste of money but these counselors are good. I feel myself getting stronger everyday. I had planned to post my letter to alcohol but now I'm not sure if I feel the need to. I did write it which helped but I'm not sure how much I am ready to share.

I'm ready to start focusing on the positives in my life instead of dwelling on the negatives. So right now what I can say positively is that I am excited for fall and starting all of my crafts again. I am getting my basement ready for the winter to see what I can pound out this year. I would really like to get my scrapbooks under control if at all possible and maybe learn how to quilt.

Candid

Ok, so I just got home from counseling and I am going to start being a little more candid on my blog than I usually am. For you my best friends, please know this is in no way a cry for help or need it is me going through my own recovery and healing process in which case you may sense or definitely hear some anger in my blogs.

Today I was asked if I have ever written a letter to Alcohol about how angry I am at it for a family member's addiction and the cause for me to lose two years of my life while constantly trying to help and take care of that family member.

They suggested I do it on my blog as I really don't know who might be reading this other than my best friends and this could actually help someone else. I'm going to do it. Not tonight, I am really angry with Alcohol and in reality I have to leave my house at 4:45 am for work tomorrow and just can't deal with that emotion right now.

But be warned I will be doing it this weekend and sharing. Please do not read it if you don't think you can but I am doing this for me and my recovery and healing and in the faintest hope that maybe someone out there in the cyber world will read it and feel like they too can write a letter to a family member's addiction that has taken years from them.

I love you all and thank you for being there for me and I appreciate this forum to get back to myself!

Summer read

I know summer is almost over but I highly recommend reading The Help. This book takes place in the 60's in Mississippi and shows both worlds of segregation in the South.

With August always feeling like back to school month I am preparing for my busy season at work. I will be busy this month cleaning out closets, the fridge, and the basement. It's time to get the scrapbooking and cardmaking and other crafting stuff out for the fall and winter. I'm finally starting to get back into all of my crafts and plan to learn some new ones including quilting.

I'm Back for a Minute!

Ok, so I totally suck at keeping in touch and keeping a blog up to date but I'm back. I don't have a lot of news except that I am in counseling working on some person items and am starting to feel like myself again.

I lost the bitch that is Sonja (the bitch in a good way!) and started caring way too much what everyone else thinks. I will try to get back on this blog full force and can't wait to reconnect with all of you!

I look forward to seeing what's going on in all your lives and giving you a glimpse of mine :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Happy Birthday Laura and Michelle! I had a great picture but I am technologically challenged right now and can't get to it. It was from a party at the house on Spruce in Boulder. I hope you both had a fabulous day, I miss you!

Prayers for Sale

I just finished reading this book for book club and I highly recommend it. When I started the book I wasn't too excited about it but I stuck with it and really enjoyed the book. The author lives here in Colorado and the book takes place near Breckenridge.

Things are finally starting to calm down for me and I am slowing making it to my New Year's resolutions. I am officially back in the gym and am eating more and cut way down on the wine. My Nikaya is still a little injured, she tore something in her left hind leg and has been limping for about three weeks now. She turned 9 last week so we were really hoping it wasn't arthritis but I'm sure that's next. She's a senior citizen these days!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARA

So better late than never! I hope you had a wonderful birthday and I've been thinking about you all day. I wish I had time to post an old picture but work is crazy these days and I have an injured dog so I apologize.

Happy Birthday!

Candle In The Wind . . .

So I blogged about my friend Beth on Jan. 5 going to book club. That was the last night I had a conversation with her. We let her drink wine even though her husband didn't agree and I had to give her mints for the ride home. The next day she went into hospice.

On Thursday Jan. 14 my mom told me that Beth had passed away. I took the news as bittersweet. I was at work functions all day and don't cry around people very often. It didn't really hit me until I was in my car driving home with my account manager following me to take us to our next commitment.

I took last Friday off as I couldn't be around people and didn't get out of bed until 11:30 when my husband semi-pleaded with me. I was very sad, she was good friend who wore crazy hats and socks, dressed up for Halloween and told me once I reminded her of her when she was my age (a huge compliment I can assure you!)

She was a librarian and extremely knowledgeable but a free spirit. She and I always had one too many glasses of wine together.

Her memorial is tomorrow and I am feeling better, I write about Beth a lot. I am going to wear a hat and some bold colors to celebrate her life. I think they should play Candle in the Wind by Elton John as I think that actually applies more to her than Marilyn Monroe.

Beth - I hope you are dancing, laughing and telling anecdotal stories in heaven, you are truly one in a million!

BBQ Dinner

All day yesterday I was hooked on the Food Network and by the time Nick came home it was time to watch an episode of Throwdown with Bobby Flay. This was a BBQ throw down against Ed Mitchell of The Pit restaurant in North Carolina. I was getting hungry all day watching the amazing food but the BBQ did me in.

Ed's ribs looked amazing but of course his receipe is secret. We did find his baked beans receipe so we used that as the side, we used Ed's rub (that I was able to pull from the show) and we used Bobby's BBQ receipe.

We have never truely tried to do BBQ anything so this was an adventure. I will say the ribs need some work but the baked beans and the BBQ sauce came out amazing. I am going to use leftover sauce tomorrow in my crock pot with a pork roast for pulled pork sandwiches for dinner. I never thought I would really like BBQ but damn is it good!

Book club

So we took Beth to book club tonight and she isn't doing well. She is going to hospice tomorrow. She had a glass of wine at book club tonight and asked me for mints the minute we got into the car. I knew why but my mom was not sure. Her husband doesn't like her drinking. She's dying and she's worried about her husband being mad at her for a glass of wine. I say, live it up, you don't have much longer for that!

Book Club

Tonight is book club. We are reading Truck: A Love Story, a book about a man and his truck. It took me a little while to get into it and of course as usual I am only about half way through but I am enjoying it and will go to book club anyway.

I have a friend in book club who last summer was notified that they found a third brain tumor. She has had two removed already but this one is inoperable. My mom and I will be picking her up for book club tonight and although she is tremendously strong and a fighter it doesn't appear as though she will make many more in the future.

Although I am sad, I am so fortunate to have met her as she is amazing, smart and quarky. I look forward to our chats, the last one she told me that she was willing to work the book sale if she's still alive, if not, we could stuff her and stand her there. She also told her daughter she would be haunting her if she didn't behave. What a woman!

Happy New Year

To those I don't have addresses for, I'm sorry, I couldn't send you my latest Christmas card. They went out on the 26th but whatever! December is the busiest month of the year for work for me and then I up and took a trip out of the country so I was burried. I barely had time to make sugar cookies and pecan bars, but I did.

I also made my first batch of jam by myself. I made it for the first time in September in Washington with my aunt, blackberry jam. I had to hand pick 14 cups of blackberries which took me about 3 hours and a lot of walking and hunting. For this jam, I used the frozen Palisade peaches in my mom's freezer, so no cutting or skinning fruit, but I will say frozen fruit makes for pretty runny jam. It took me about 1 1/5 hours to make, I'm proud of myself. I gave it all away but got to try some on new year's day at my in-laws house (it was good!)

For those of you I don't have addresses for our Christmas card picture is above. Sorry, you don't get the Christmas letter, your loss :-) I was yelled at by many that I mentioned the monkey in my letter but did not provide a picture, I guess they will need to read my blog.

I have many resolutions for the first time in over 10 years and I think I should share them with you guys:

1. Eat more (in this job I never find time to eat and it's killing me)

2. Drink less (as always)

3. Don't let work get to me

4. Meet/make new friends (while I love my old friends you'all live too far away, I need some new friends to keep me out of trouble)

5. Finish projects like blankets, scrapbooks, etc.

6. Write daily in my journal

7. Write more (I do still want to write a book sometime and the older I get the more I think someday is fastly approaching)

8. Blog frequently

2007-2009 were hard years for me personally and professionally. I am facing 2010 head on and saying 'Bring it'. I think I have weathered some of the toughest things in my life and feel that I can take whatever 2010 has to bring. I own this life and I need to live it accordingly!

For all you I wish you happiness, the ability to weather the storms that may come, the strength to power through like we all always do, and unending love and compassion despite what is dished out to us.

Happy New Year!!