The Nightmare Begins

January 19th was a day that I will always remember.  Its just a few days from the date my aunt committed suicide and that I lost a good friend to brain cancer.  It also happens to be the date that the Broncos played the Patriots in a playoff game just like they had during the other two occasions.  It was surreal that on this date when I thought Leanne would be found she wasn't.


This started a long day and ultimately long month of my addiction to Facebook and my phone.  We were all wildly reposting the missing persons flyer and I was making and receiving numerous phone calls and text messages.  The game was so far in the background that day it was hard for me to even focus on it at all while I clutched my phone in panic.  My phone became my lifeline in an extremely unhealthy way.


By the end of the day when I had caught up with most of my friends and I think the Broncos won their playoff game I had a decision to make.  I was sitting on information that I had spoken with Leanne and she had told me in so many words she was planning to commit suicide.  It was time for me to call the Garden Ridge Police Department to see if anything she and I had talked about might help.


After leaving a message my call was returned by the detective on the case.  There had been manhunts under way for two days at this point and they were collecting all the details they could get their hands on.  I provided a synopsis of what Leanne and I discussed and the only question they kept coming back to me with was did I provide her money to leave Texas.  They obviously weren't hearing me as I told them she was suicidal and that she had plenty of money to leave on her own, more money than I had that's for sure.  But what was tripping them up is she had been missing for two and a half days and not used any of her credit cards.  She was thought to have $60 in cash but that is not a lot if someone is trying to hideout in a motel.


The police wanted to know how she had gotten a hold of me and I told them the landline to her husband's parents house which is still written on a piece of masking tape stuck to my iPad.  I don't have the heart to remove it.  I knew it was their number as I called it Saturday night in a desperate attempt to find out what was going on since I was not hearing back from her husband or friend on Facebook.


I felt better for having told the police what I knew but my hope was dwindling.  I just didn't understand how she could be missing when I was sure she was dead.  How could they not find her?  These questions started haunting my dreams and I went from my average 9-10 hours of sleep a night to four at the most.  The terror had taken hold and the week ahead of me at work was going to be unbearable. 


I clung to my phone and my friends from Great-West to keep me from drowning.  I made sure when I traveled to Florida for a team meeting my boss was aware of the nightmare I was living in hopes he would take it easy on me which didn't entirely work.  And I found that each day this went on I was slowly sinking into my sadness and anger and beginning to question what really did happen to my friend.



By Friday, fundraisers had been put together to raise money for the search.  Helicopters were being utilized along with an organization specializing in searches and a private detective.  The organized effort on foot was incredible and the outpouring of people seemed amazing from where I watched on Facebook and the news.  She got national attention.


My husband the artist donated a painting to the silent auction on Friday night and although none of us really felt like being out at a bar as if we were betraying our friend, we all went to raise money.  The night was full of comments such as "I just can't believe it," " I was just emailing/texting with her in the last couple of weeks," and "Do you really think she is hiding somewhere?"  It became clear that I was one of the only people to actually receive a phone call and speak to her which was equally comforting and disturbing to me.


I saw our friends rally that weekend and if there was anything positive to have come out of this week it was that we were now closer than ever.  All differences were put aside and friendships started turning into family bonds that are now too strong to ever break.  That week and weekend changed me in a lot of ways and ultimately was where I needed to begin to dig out for my own life.